LOVE

          In this section a pastor helps a couple keep the spark in their marriage.

LOVE LOST AND FOUND

          Before Allison and Steve married, their pastor asked them in a pre-marital counseling session to each make a list of at least five things they enjoyed doing together when they were first falling in love. This pastor learned through many years of advising couples that in order to keep the love fires burning, fun and time together helped cement the relationship. The list offered a concrete means of seeing the pleasurable moments that were shared during the "courting' time.
          Allison wrote about picnics at the beach, kissing at the drive-in movies, holding hands while taking a walk in the rain, reading together in a hammock, and long talks about life and the future. Brad mentioned skiing, tickling each other playfully, romantic dinners when you were down to your last fifty dollars, building sand castles at the beach, and fishing. The pastor put these two lists into an envelope with the date of their first anniversary on the outside. He asked that on each anniversary, not just the first, they open the envelope, read the lists, and notice if they are still taking time to have fun together.

          Early on Allison and Steve's relationship was like a plump, ripe plum. After several years it was beginning to dry up and start to look like a prune. What they needed was re-hydration. The lists acted as hydration because they gave a tool for monitoring how much juice was left and what to do about making it juicier.
          This wise pastor made a connection between play and having a healthy marriage. If, when Brad and Allison read the list, they realized they lost passion and the feeling of the goose bumps when they thought of seeing each other, they could to reconsider the priorities in their relationship. . Taking the time to have fun in spite of stressful and time consuming jobs, the addition of children, or other excuses that arise, turns out to be crucial in keeping the zest alive. Play acts as a vital part of survival at a very basic level.
          As Allison and Steve age they may consciously change their list as their mutual interests and/or physical capabilities change. Skiing may turn into snowshoeing. Building sand castles might change into watching the sunset over the ocean from the deck while enjoying a glass of wine. Taking the time to hang out and connect is still the main goal no matter what form it takes.

         When Allison and Steve opened the envelope on their tenth anniversary, they noticed that they hadn't taken much time for each other in the past year. Their lives were full of carpooling children, laundry, working, visiting grandparents, and other such 'important' activities. They were unintentionally neglecting each other in the flurry of life.
         They looked at their lists and resolved to make a weekly date to be alone together doing something fun. They sat down with the household calendar and set a time to go out without children - that meant planning for a babysitter. Steve said he wanted to plan the first 'date' as a surprise. Allison's creative side was kicking in to plan a unique getaway for the next one. Immediately the atmosphere between them changed as they looked forward to rekindling their love, passion, and priority for each other. The gift that their pastor offered them opened up the opportunity to reconnect and revive the spark and sizzle of their early romance.

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